Okay what am I doing here. So not long ago I had kind of an emo meltdown because of ages of pent-up self-loathing and feeling bad because I wouldn't let myself draw because I felt I suck and this turns into a nasty cycle. Then I realized how long it's been since I talked to anyone, even on the internet where it's supposed to be nothing. And then I felt more bad. And when I look on my Devwatch and see everyone that's better than me and I could have been up there, but noooo I'm not and it's all my fault, etc. So yeah.

I've told myself in the past that I damn well better show some work periodically, but have I actually done that? No. I haven't. And I'm long overdue.

So I'm trying it again. I feel really, really nervous and flustered for some reason, but I somehow managed to calm myself down. Don't know what came over me there. But that's probably out of the way.

I cleaned up something like 32 GB of shit on my computer. Old drama files, stupid shit, macros, FLV videos I don't watch anymore, etc. Somehow, I actually feel cleaner myself, after doing that. Went into my Firefox settings and deleted the cookies for sites I might as well never think about again. Dramachan (Malwares, anyway.), ED, lolcows, etc. Well, I burnt my things to CD, but it's not like I'll be looking at them anytime soon. It's a compromise for my packrat nature. It was my guilty pleasure, but really, there ARE better things for me to do with my time.

Heh. I keep fretting about how OOOOLLLLLDDD I'm getting when I'm only nineteen. Granted, I still look fifteen. I don't think I grew an inch (And my back's a lot better now, with better posture, so go fig. Usually.). I get hung up on how we are as mayflies and shit. I think about it every day. It makes me lose sleep, but I'm just grateful that it also makes me take the time to appreciate being alive, even if my life feels dull and empty. Better than nothing, and I'm horribly afraid of ever stopping appreciating life butidontneedtogointothat.

...Why am I writing this? IDK, I always think it's a bit odd to spill your soul out in a public place where web crawlers roam freely. But it's better than hiding under the bed.